christmas toronto 2012

With Christmas around the corner, families and friends are starting to get together to drink, dine, and party the merry nights away. This year, I am not going anywhere special for Christmas. Instead, I have chosen to stay in Toronto to celebrate this joyous season with one extremely special person — me.

Christmas is a time of giving, receiving, and most importantly, loving. Throughout the year, children and adults alike look forward to this occasion for a varied number of reasons — the presents, a chance to put our legs up and work phones away, etc. We surround ourselves with people because there is no better way to be joyful and merry without being able to share this occasion with our loved ones. So why then, am I choosing to spend Christmas alone?

Like most people, Christmas is special for me, especially since my move to Canada. Every year, I pray for a white Christmas because snowflakes, hot apple cider and Jingle Bells strike a bigger chord than a rainy or no-snow winter. By far, the only white Christmas that I experienced was in 2008, the year when Vancouver experienced huge snowstorms. Much about my perception of this joyous day comes from Christmas songs and movies, which paint vibrant pictures of white, red, green, gold and silver. Over the years, I have allowed the media to depict my idea of this festive season. From that, I have always craved to be with loved ones on this day as that’s the only way to celebrate. The years when I had to spend it alone, I was often filled with bouts of sadness because the company that I wished for on Christmas day never came through. However, things are about to change.

This year, the only thing I wish for on Christmas day is an opportunity to be alone. In fact, I’m craving to be alone on the Eve and Christmas. I have books, yoga mat, mala beads, and most importantly — myself. In this 26 years of my life, I have never fully gotten the chance to know myself, to appreciate myself, and to love myself. All my life, I have allowed my surroundings, people, friends, and love ones define me for who I am. This was detrimental to my ability to find my true self, because it was suppressed under such negative emotions and never had a chance to surface. Being able to reach down to our inner child can only be done when we can forgo self-expectations and expectations others have of us, and to simply be aware of ourselves living in the present.

2012 has been a turbulent year for me. It has also been the year when my awareness of self peaked at it’s highest to date. I am no longer scared to be alone on this joyous occasion. There is nothing more important in my life right now than a chance to know the true me on a more intimate level. To be able to savour each and every moment that I’m going to spend with this me. And quite frankly, not many people are gifted with a present like such — to be able to spend time alone with an open heart and mind. And this year, I’m truly blessed to be bestowed with this gift.

Love is in the air this Christmas. And I’m feeling it, from deep within.

Featured Photo Credits: Pinterest